Perfume is not for marinating, you are no chicken
Well this was a lesson my mommy dearest unsuccessfully tried to instill in me, of course there were others, which I may not talk about very comfortably here. Well, I am talking about very simple things in life, which, we on purpose, fail to understand or follow. For example, my obsession with smelling good, I never understood a few innocent sprays of perfume every hour is not only burning a hole in my pockets but also in the noses of the people around, it can be annoying and sometimes physically disturbing to some oh-i-m-so-sensitive snouts.
This led me to use my otherwise not-so-constructive facebook account for some soul searching, as in what is the most annoying habit of you as well as others that you can do without, or you think can be simply changed by others, and the answer to the question was as random as my topic here.
Pointy toed shoes
You won’t believe how many of these I got, well they look good in 70mm, they look good if you are decending from a Porche, but it ain't a style statement for the regulars, it's a big No No, I personally would not like to be spotted within a 100 mtrs diameter of the king of the queens wearing a pointy toed shoe, unless of course, if that’s a theme of the party, in that case I would like to have a quick word with the organizer. A big thumbs down for anyone in favor (unless of course if you are the man who owns a pair... kudos to you and your valour) and now back to real life, NO NO NO... and NO, sometimes I wish there was a font of making a statement clearer and more impactful, I have already used italics, bold and underline.
Pluralising things when it's actually not plural
Well listen up mama, it ain't no white waters, or krogers!! My failure to understand the hep lingo sometimes makes me feel I am yet to evolve. Is adding an ‘s’ to a not so worthy word like water going to make me a 'yo girl'? Or is it just going to make it difficult for the next generation to understand grammar (have some pity, they are anyway going to have a hard time understanding a lot of other simple stuff, which we have already ruined for them for e.g. board games, hindi etc.). Before you jump to any conclusion, I am not trying to become a grammar nazi here, but I am sure there is some difference between being cool and being incorrect, I ain't against new words, txt language, they are shorter versions meant for convenience, and new words are an invention, I am not against inventions ( I love Edison), I am here just voicing out my opinion about causing inconvenience, adding letters and screwing the language. So all of you ‘S’ adders, about time you realize, you don’t sound cool, you just leave us lesser ones confused and speculating about ‘where did he do his schooling from again?"
Men wearing jewelry beyond a watch or a ring
Unless you are Bappida or Ram, Krishna, Ravan or any such mythological character, you should not be wearing it (of course drag queens are completely excused for this one as well a few other points). I believe jewelry was made for women not men. You add no beauty to it and vice versa. If you are a man reading this article, I would request you to pause and get rid of anything beyond the permissible range of jewelry you have dolled up yourself with. It's a major turn off, it's rather repulsive in many ways. And the ones who are not in agreement to my oh-so-biased opinion, can obviously continue with it. After all we are a democracy, no pun intended.
Saying ‘literally’ when it's actually not literal
I mean there are more ways to exaggerate a statement, rather than changing the whole meaning of it. For instance... I was on the moon, (and here comes the bright suffix), literally. If you can literally be on the moon, "you are going to be my best friend, literally."
'Slouching and putting your hands in the pocket equals to tacky!!!'
I don’t intend to come on so strong but, you do know that You are not Salman Khan and life is not a photo shoot of andaaz apna apna, and to refreshen your memory, it was one of the most hilarious movies of that decade. As in, if you still do not understand, I give up on my high hopes right here, and if you do understand, I would still not call you a genius, after all, look at what has kept your attention from last 5 minutes.
Stop breathing on my head
This one's dedicated to the likes of me, not so tall people (bluntly, the short ones) and trust us, it ain't our fault... so stop punishing us for our physical incapability to come shoulder to shoulder with you elongated humans. I am talking about the unfortunate occasion, when we stand in a queue, usually being the short ones, we are already unaware of what’s happening ahead of us, therefore nothing to take our attention (unless we are texting our way to glory, but that is of little help) when we feel this hot air coming out of the lungs via the nostrils of the taller being (which I would like to add is not a very striking sight from this height) right on top of our head. Please maintain the distance, and just as you don’t see us at your level, please don’t disregard our presence, you are already annoying us coming and standing with your spidery long legs (ego feed my friends) and adding to the agony by breathing right on top of our head. If I need steam, I would prefer the gym or a spa. Thanks but No thank you.
Stay tuned to get a few more insights on the don’ts in life. Not that if you don’t read this you will miss out on a lot in life, but you can be spotted in public wearing the pointy toed shoes and a stud in the ear, by someone who has read it. See you later, with some more annoying acts with some even more annoying elaborations.
Well this was a lesson my mommy dearest unsuccessfully tried to instill in me, of course there were others, which I may not talk about very comfortably here. Well, I am talking about very simple things in life, which, we on purpose, fail to understand or follow. For example, my obsession with smelling good, I never understood a few innocent sprays of perfume every hour is not only burning a hole in my pockets but also in the noses of the people around, it can be annoying and sometimes physically disturbing to some oh-i-m-so-sensitive snouts.
This led me to use my otherwise not-so-constructive facebook account for some soul searching, as in what is the most annoying habit of you as well as others that you can do without, or you think can be simply changed by others, and the answer to the question was as random as my topic here.
Pointy toed shoes
You won’t believe how many of these I got, well they look good in 70mm, they look good if you are decending from a Porche, but it ain't a style statement for the regulars, it's a big No No, I personally would not like to be spotted within a 100 mtrs diameter of the king of the queens wearing a pointy toed shoe, unless of course, if that’s a theme of the party, in that case I would like to have a quick word with the organizer. A big thumbs down for anyone in favor (unless of course if you are the man who owns a pair... kudos to you and your valour) and now back to real life, NO NO NO... and NO, sometimes I wish there was a font of making a statement clearer and more impactful, I have already used italics, bold and underline.
Pluralising things when it's actually not plural
Well listen up mama, it ain't no white waters, or krogers!! My failure to understand the hep lingo sometimes makes me feel I am yet to evolve. Is adding an ‘s’ to a not so worthy word like water going to make me a 'yo girl'? Or is it just going to make it difficult for the next generation to understand grammar (have some pity, they are anyway going to have a hard time understanding a lot of other simple stuff, which we have already ruined for them for e.g. board games, hindi etc.). Before you jump to any conclusion, I am not trying to become a grammar nazi here, but I am sure there is some difference between being cool and being incorrect, I ain't against new words, txt language, they are shorter versions meant for convenience, and new words are an invention, I am not against inventions ( I love Edison), I am here just voicing out my opinion about causing inconvenience, adding letters and screwing the language. So all of you ‘S’ adders, about time you realize, you don’t sound cool, you just leave us lesser ones confused and speculating about ‘where did he do his schooling from again?"
Men wearing jewelry beyond a watch or a ring
Unless you are Bappida or Ram, Krishna, Ravan or any such mythological character, you should not be wearing it (of course drag queens are completely excused for this one as well a few other points). I believe jewelry was made for women not men. You add no beauty to it and vice versa. If you are a man reading this article, I would request you to pause and get rid of anything beyond the permissible range of jewelry you have dolled up yourself with. It's a major turn off, it's rather repulsive in many ways. And the ones who are not in agreement to my oh-so-biased opinion, can obviously continue with it. After all we are a democracy, no pun intended.
Saying ‘literally’ when it's actually not literal
I mean there are more ways to exaggerate a statement, rather than changing the whole meaning of it. For instance... I was on the moon, (and here comes the bright suffix), literally. If you can literally be on the moon, "you are going to be my best friend, literally."
'Slouching and putting your hands in the pocket equals to tacky!!!'
I don’t intend to come on so strong but, you do know that You are not Salman Khan and life is not a photo shoot of andaaz apna apna, and to refreshen your memory, it was one of the most hilarious movies of that decade. As in, if you still do not understand, I give up on my high hopes right here, and if you do understand, I would still not call you a genius, after all, look at what has kept your attention from last 5 minutes.
Stop breathing on my head
This one's dedicated to the likes of me, not so tall people (bluntly, the short ones) and trust us, it ain't our fault... so stop punishing us for our physical incapability to come shoulder to shoulder with you elongated humans. I am talking about the unfortunate occasion, when we stand in a queue, usually being the short ones, we are already unaware of what’s happening ahead of us, therefore nothing to take our attention (unless we are texting our way to glory, but that is of little help) when we feel this hot air coming out of the lungs via the nostrils of the taller being (which I would like to add is not a very striking sight from this height) right on top of our head. Please maintain the distance, and just as you don’t see us at your level, please don’t disregard our presence, you are already annoying us coming and standing with your spidery long legs (ego feed my friends) and adding to the agony by breathing right on top of our head. If I need steam, I would prefer the gym or a spa. Thanks but No thank you.
Stay tuned to get a few more insights on the don’ts in life. Not that if you don’t read this you will miss out on a lot in life, but you can be spotted in public wearing the pointy toed shoes and a stud in the ear, by someone who has read it. See you later, with some more annoying acts with some even more annoying elaborations.
